I hate your face
...so i touched it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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