He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
