He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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