You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
