"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
