my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
