dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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