tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
