Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
