My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
