I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
