He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
