dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
