youre lurking in front of me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
