but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think my moral compass just broke
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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