The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We had sex on a dog bed..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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