I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
