everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
