dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
