just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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