Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
