i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
