Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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