She is in my trunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
