I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
