And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
