So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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