He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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