I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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