He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
