I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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