She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
