The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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