You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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