so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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