I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
