Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
