There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
