I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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