it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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