I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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