dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
