I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
