Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
