They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
