I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Farmville is her only friend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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