Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize