you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
