Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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