Umm I'm too high to move.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
