I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
