ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
