Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize