I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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