so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
