you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
