So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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