Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
