She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize