How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My pussy is not your playground.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
