I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
