shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
