these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i've created a new STD.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They have beer where we have blood.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
