i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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