Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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