He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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