It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
