I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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