Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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