i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
