My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
