hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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