This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
