Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your cock deserves a montage
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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