the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize