She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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