she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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