You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
