my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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