while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize