I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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