I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
