I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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