i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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