Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
