So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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