He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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