Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
