im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
