i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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